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New Chess Rules: Breakdancing On The Board Is Strictly Prohibited

Published on March 3, 2024 by The Crow

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CHESSLAND, CL — Confirming what has been rumored for weeks, the International Convention Against Chess has announced its plans to ban break dancing on the chess board while a game is in session. This landmark decision comes right after the Convention banned chess entirely last week.

"We understand that this may seem a bit harsh," said I.C.A.C. spokesperson Harriet Bishop, "but we must ensure the mental purity of all chess-related activities. Breakdancing, with its flamboyant spins and unpredictable steps, could easily distract players from the complex calculations of their next move."

This crackdown on exuberant board-based behavior has been met with mixed reactions. Some chess purists wholeheartedly support the changes. "Chess is a battle of the mind!" declared Grandmaster Vladimir Rookovich. "These ridiculous gyrations have no place in its noble history."

Others, however, see this as an overreaction. "A little looseness never hurt anyone," commented renowned chess streamer Levy "GothamChess" Rozman. "If they want to take a quick break to bust a move between maneuvers, who is it harming?"